


i wish

by uselace



Series: beginnings & endings, with a little bit of in-between [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gay, Gay Panic, I love them though, Just A Lot Of It, Pining, Two Idiots Being Idiots, but gay and happy and in love, smut kind of ??? idrk what you would call it, these two are very extra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uselace/pseuds/uselace
Summary: Q: What do you get when an oblivious gay university student walks into a bookstore with an oblivious gay employee?A: Years of pining and a whole lot of unnecessary pain. (basically just kelley and sonny being idiots in love until they finally get their shit together.)
Relationships: Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Series: beginnings & endings, with a little bit of in-between [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692694
Comments: 16
Kudos: 114





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> what's up y'all! hope everyone is staying safe. this takes place in the same universe as walk these streets with me, my other story. if you haven't read it, the important thing to know is nobody plays soccer and they all end up in seattle. title from i wish by hayley kiyoko, our queen. 
> 
> lil disclaimer: i've never been to athens (or georgia in general) and i honestly don't have a great idea what the culture surrounding the lgbt+ community is there. i really just needed a university town, and athens was the first that came to mind - i definitely don't mean to misrepresent/offend anyone or the community there in any way. 
> 
> unedited, feel free to drop a comment. enjoy!

It’s raining in Seattle, the kind of downpour that’s trapped Kelley and Emily in their home with the gas fireplace burning. Kelley had quickly learned that she could deal with the city’s weather, a stark contrast to Georgia, if she had Emily there to hold her underneath blankets and laugh while they watch old movies. Today they have  _ The Sound of Music _ on in the background, occasionally half-singing along but mostly just wrapped up in each other, talking quietly. 

Kelley has just told a stupid joke that Emily is shaking her head at, trying not to laugh, when the power goes out. “Shit,” Kelley breathes. She can feel her entire body stiffen, tensing up as the dark surrounds them. Lucky for her it only takes a second of Emily hugging her tight, stroking her hair for her to relax slightly into her wife. 

“I’m right here, Kel,” the other woman whispers into Kelley’s shoulder. They’re wrapped around each other, Kelley draped over her wife with Bagel at their feet. Emily keeps stroking her hair, kissing her neck softly until Kelley is fully relaxed again, nuzzling her face into Emily’s neck as she burrows into safety. “I have an idea.” Kelley doesn’t even have to look up to know that the blonde’s face has lit up, eyes crinkling and smiling widely in that way that’s been committed to Kelley’s memory so fully after years of loving the woman. 

“Hmm?” It almost gets lost in the sound of the rain still pounding and the way Kelley is still buried in Emily’s shirt, but then Kelley’s chin is being tipped up by the blonde, forcing her to look at her wife, who’s sporting a smile so soft and so  _ her  _ that Kelley can’t help but brush their lips together in a gentle kiss. 

They never fully break apart, instead connecting their foreheads and staying so close that Kelley can feel Emily’s eyelashes brushing her skin. “Tell me about when we became friends?” Kelley can’t stop her smile when she hears the words, and she kisses her wife slowly, softly, before she pulls away properly to start the story. It’s one that Emily loves, claims she’ll never get tired of hearing Kelley tell. 

And really, as long as it’s Emily asking, Kelley would tell it as many times as the other woman wanted. 

————

It starts with an offhand comment. Kelley has been working in a sleepy bookstore in Athens since she graduated from the University of Georgia, a job that she doesn’t mind, but doesn’t really like, either. Until she takes interest in one of the customers, a blonde named Emily who comes in twice a week to study. They start talking sometimes, short conversations during Emily’s study breaks, about anything from college majors (Emily’s in psych) to hometowns and Waffle House. It’s during one of those conversations that Kelley lets it slip.

“I like your company—it’s lonely on the slow days.” It’s shy and not like Kelley’s usual tone at all, mostly because she didn’t mean to say it, didn’t mean to confess something like that to a stranger. Because even though Kelley desperately wants to be more than strangers, that’s all they are right now. And yes, maybe Kelley is lonely sometimes while she works the counter, waiting for her life to start. But she’s fine without company, fine by herself. 

Until the blonde starts coming in nearly every day, and maybe—maybe she wasn’t fine.

Her other friends notice the change immediately, of course. One day, Becky is hanging out behind the counter with her when Emily walks in. Kelley gets a helpful elbow to the ribs when Becky catches her staring, and Kelley only hopes that the other woman doesn’t notice the blush that must be coloring her cheeks, a blush that always seems to be present whenever she’s around Emily. 

Despite the way Kelley notices her freckles, her blue eyes that crinkle at the corners, the older woman feels stuck. She’s a twenty-five-year-old working full-time at a bookstore that sees twenty people a day if they’re lucky, with a degree in athletic training that’s proved useless since she can’t seem to so much as get a job interview. So Kelley pushes down the way her heart beats faster, the way she feels warm all over and her hands shake just the tiniest bit when the younger woman walks into the store. She represses the fuck out of her feelings in hopes that they’ll go away and at some point, the two can be friends.

“Why are you still here?” Emily asks one day near closing. She’s been there daily for nearly six months, and she and Kelley have become closer than either woman anticipated. “I just mean—” she cuts herself off, fidgeting with her fingers. “You always talk about how you want to leave, and you should. I mean, you’re just… you’re too big for Georgia, Kel. You’re gonna go insane and be one of those weird old people who yell about their lawns all the time.” 

Kelley is laughing, but at the same time, the question is bouncing around in her mind.  _ Why is she still here?  _ It’s uncomfortable, everything she doesn’t want to think about, so instead she focuses on something else. “Kel, huh?” 

Emily is blushing, and it just might be the cutest thing Kelley has ever seen. “I, um.” She gulps, and Kelley zeroes in on her throat bobbing, thinks about kissing her there ( _ fuck _ ) for just a second before she can shake it off and return her focus to the younger woman’s eyes. “If you don’t like it, I’ll stop.” But Kelley has been calling the other woman Em since months ago.

(They had a similar conversation then, Emily’s eyes crinkling in a smile as she said “Only pretty girls get to call me that… so feel free.” All Kelley could think then was  _ she has no idea what she’s doing to me _ , and the same thought runs through her head now.)

“No—” Kelley’s voice cracks the tiniest bit, and she has to clear her throat before she says any more. “No, I like it, Em.” 

“Why  _ are  _ you here though, like really?” The younger woman isn’t exactly the best at reading people, something she’s admitted to Kelley before, and now the older woman is experiencing that first-hand. 

But somehow, she wants to be honest. So she is, leaves herself vulnerable, and it’s terrifying but also thrilling. “Because I can’t get a fucking job,” she laughs bitterly. “I’ve applied everywhere I can find, but none of them will take me. So I ended up here, still living in my college town in a shitty apartment working a job that doesn’t pay enough to justify trying anything else.” 

Emily is quiet for a minute, and it’s scarier than Kelley wants to admit. “Why, though? The jobs, I mean. Why won’t they take you?” She says after a while, and her voice is small and soft and not what Kelley is used to hearing from her. It’s surprising, but maybe Kelley would like to hear it more, hear more of the other woman’s whispers and soft laughs and  _ everything _ . 

“I don’t know, Em.” But the thing is, she does know. Even in Athens, gay people aren’t on anyone’s list of most desired hires; for Kelley, who’s profile picture on every social media site is her posing with a pride flag, who refuses to be anyone but herself, that’s turned out to be a problem. She can’t tell Emily that, though, can’t risk her being another one of those straight girls who says they’re cool but won’t touch her after she comes out. 

Then, unexpectedly, Kelley is pulled out of her head when Emily jumps up from the couch they were sitting on and pulls out her phone. “I have an idea,” she whispers, and from what Kelley has heard the blonde’s ideas historically have not been the best (but who is Kelley to refuse when the other woman looks so excited, smiling widely and crinkling her eyes and poking her tongue out between her teeth as she scrolls through her phone). When she finds whatever she was looking for, Emily paces a few feet away. “...Hi, Linds. Yeah, I was just wondering about that AT. Can you put someone in for me? Okay, awesome. I’ll text you.” 

She plops back down on the couch, closer this time, and grins victoriously. Kelley can’t help but be a little suspicious, and asks “What the fuck was that?” 

“I believe the proper term is ‘you’re welcome’,” Emily smirks. “Guess who just got you a job.” Kelley is sure her eyes must be nearly bugging out of her head in surprise, but when she doesn’t reply for a minute Emily starts rambling in the cute way she always does when she gets nervous. “You don’t need to take it or anything, but my friend is on the soccer team at the university, and the assistant trainer left and it would be a really good entry level job and—”

If Kelley was braver, she would have kissed the blonde at that moment, spared both of them from all the pining that would ensue. But instead she cut Emily off by poking her in the ribs, making her laugh loudly and freely, a sound the older woman would bottle up and carry with her if she could. “I don’t understand how you just did that. Um, is there anything I can do to repay you?” The intensity of Emily’s gaze makes the brunette shy, makes her think about everything she says and hope that it’s the right thing. Fortunately, Emily is expressive enough that her face lights up in a grin and Kelley just  _ knows _ .

“Take me to dinner.” That was  _ not _ what she expected. Emily is still grinning across from her, eyes burning into Kelley’s head in a way that makes heat spread through the rest of her body. “Actually, give me your phone.” The older woman is too caught off guard by the dinner comment to resist, so she just hands over her phone and watches in a daze as Emily types something in. “There, now you have my number.” 

_ She just got Emily Sonnett’s number. _

By the time Kelley is closing up after the younger woman leaves, they’ve sent more texts back and forth than should be possible; mostly stupid memes and weird selfies. 

Kelley knows deep down that this girl is going to be the death of her.

————

Everything continues on like that for a long time. They settle into a daily routine: Kelley attends practices and matches with the soccer team, helping wherever she’s needed, then reports back to the bookstore, which has now become a part-time job and feels just a little bit less suffocating. Emily always comes in at the same time, always has the same effect on the older woman, who can never seem to stop blushing or fidgeting around her. 

It’s comfortable. It’s familiar, and Kelley always knows that she has the blonde’s visit to look forward to on the days where she feels the weight of Athens bearing down around her, days when thoughts that maybe she’ll never get out fill her head and she just wants to scream. And even though ideally, Kelley would be able to greet the younger woman with a kiss when she came in, hold her hand and curl into her lap when they talk on the couch, she’s fine with where they are. She tells herself that as long as the other woman is in her life, she’ll be fine. 

But more and more often, she notices Emily blushing. She starts to notice that Emily likes touching just as much as she does, and they often end up cuddled together by closing time. It gives her hope that maybe they have a future—but Kelley has learned that hope is dangerous, and sometimes it’s better to live in the present, even if that present is one where she won’t get to kiss Emily Sonnett. 

Eventually Kelley has enough saved between her two jobs that if she really wanted, she could finally get the fuck out of Georgia. She has a car, shitty as it may be, and she’s seriously considered packing all her stuff into boxes and just driving until she hits a city that seems appealing. Something is holding her back, though, something with freckled cheeks and blue eyes, something that Kelley thinks she might spend every day of her life regretting if she left behind. 

The days go on, and with each passing minute the two women seem to grow closer until they’re spending all their time together. Kelley sneaks Emily into games at the university; if Kelley is working at the bookstore then Emily is sure to be sitting under the counter, laughing at stupid videos and talking about anything. 

Then the summer of Emily’s junior year hits, and Kelley finds herself being convinced to go on a road trip. “Come on, Kel,” Emily whines day after day while the brunette reshelves books and cleans. “It’ll be fun, I swear. We can go to pride or something!” 

That’s what finally catches Kelley’s attention. She’s always been careful around Emily, careful not to give away too much through lingering touches. It’s become a habit to keep her social media private, and suddenly Kelley finds herself wondering if Emily even knows that she likes girls. Nevertheless, the older woman finally concedes, just in time for them to pack bags into Kelley’s car haphazardly and start driving up the coast.

“I think I could stay like this forever,” Emily says one night as they lay on the hood in the middle of nowhere, looking up at the stars (except Kelley doesn’t need to look up; she can see the stars reflected in Em’s eyes, little flecks of silver that only make them more beautiful). Kelley just hums in agreement, content to stay and let the moment sit between them. She tries not to think about how she could stay with Emily forever, no matter where they are. “Kel?” Her voice is soft, maybe softer than Kelley has ever heard it, and it’s a little scary. 

“Yeah, Em?” Unconsciously, their hands have found each other, and the older woman squeezes a bit when she realizes that the blonde is shaking. 

“I need to tell you something.” She takes a deep breath, and— “I’m gay.” Kelley feels the breath get knocked out of her. She’s still focused on the way their hands are intertwined, focused on not giving something away too early, but she must take too long because it registers that Emily is sniffling quietly next to her.

“Hey, no, Em… it’s okay, you know? It’s okay. I promise.” The older woman gathers Emily into her arms, curling protectively around her and stroking her hair. It’s an instinctual reaction, the product of something inside her telling her to comfort the woman she’s spent so long in love with. “God, Em, I would never get mad or whatever because of something like that.” At that the blonde looks up, and Kelley is struck by how close their faces are, how beautiful Emily is even in the dark. 

The younger woman is shaking her head, still sniffling occasionally. “I just, I didn’t know. You’re the first person I’ve told.” Pride shoots through Kelley at that, at the fact that she’s the first person Emily has trusted with this part of herself. “Well, and Lindsey, I guess, but that doesn’t count.” That puts a bit of a dent in Kelley’s pride, but she’s determined not to let it show. 

“Why doesn’t Lindsey count?” 

“She’s just…” Emily gestures vaguely. “Sometimes I feel like we’re leading totally separate lives. I love her, and she’s still one of my best friends, but I barely see her. And, you know, if you weren’t okay with this, then I would have to change my entire schedule around,” she laughs. Her hands have stopped shaking, but Kelley only hugs her closer.

They stay silent for a moment, but then the brunette decides that she should probably be honest with Emily in return. “Actually, there’s something I should tell you too—” the words are cut off abruptly by a loud truck rumbling down the highway, and once it’s gone Kelley swallows them down. She came too close—too close to risking her only lifeline, too close to fucking up the best thing in her life.

But Emily is curious, of course, and doesn’t forget anything that people want her to forget. “What were you going to tell me?” Her eyes are wide, face tipped up toward Kelley’s, and the older woman wishes desperately that she were the type to take chances like this, chances like kissing her best friend on a car hood under the stars, where nobody could see them but the doubts in Kelley’s head. 

Instead, she shakes her head. “Nothing, just that Lindsey’s a loser and I’m clearly more important anyway.” Emily clearly doesn’t buy it, but they settle into each other and watch the stars nonetheless.

————

A couple days later they pull into New York in the middle of all the pride festivities, and it’s then that Kelley decides: she is going to get the fuck over her best friend.

New York gives her her confidence back, and it’s intoxicating. She’s back to the old Kelley, the one she knew in college, who could charm girls at the drop of a hat. It’s only around Sonnett that she’s a bumbling, stuttering mess, so she does her best to avoid the other woman (which is much harder than anticipated, especially since Sonnett refuses to go anywhere alone). It doesn’t help that Kelley isn’t out yet, for some reason she can’t quite discern; all of it culminates in bathroom hook-ups and quick fucks with girls she picks up off the street when Sonnett is getting groceries or checking out a tourist attraction that Kelley claimed to not be interested in. 

Nonetheless, it’s a break. Old Kelley was fun, didn’t have the voice in the back of her head questioning whether she would ever be enough for Sonnett. Old Kelley doesn’t give a shit, and that feeling of carelessness is one that Kelley’s been chasing for years. 

Really, it’s not her fault that she maybe goes off the rails a little bit. 

Kelley quickly discovers that getting drunk is one of the best ways to realize that high, that feeling of weightlessness and detachment. She tells herself that she’s only giving Sonnett a good experience, even as they’re out at a different gay bar every night and she consistently ends up nearly blackout drunk by midnight. 

She tells herself everything is for Sonnett. Her hook-ups are so that she isn’t as hung up on the woman, so she can be a better friend. The partying is just to show the younger woman a good time. Everything is for Sonnett. It has to be, because otherwise it becomes about Kelley, and thinking about herself, about acknowledging feelings that have been shoved deep down inside, is scarier than she’ll admit. 

Kelley manages to keep up her facade for almost the entire time they’re in the Big Apple. She keeps Sonnett busy while she picks up girls, restrains herself from buying all the rainbow merchandise they’re surrounded by. They’ve been touching less, mostly because Kelley flinches away on instinct whenever the younger woman tries to hold her hand or wrap her up in a hug. It breaks Kelley’s heart a little to see Sonnett’s face, watch her resignedly keep her hands to herself, but she pretends it doesn’t affect her. She pretends she doesn’t have feelings for Sonnett, and denies everything, and tells herself that it will all work out. It has to. 

Of course, though, all of her pretending catches up to her at the worst possible time, because doesn’t it always? 

It catches up to her when she’s knuckle-deep in a girl, sucking hickies into her neck against a stall wall in one of NYC’s many bars. Because suddenly it’s Emily under her, letting out high moans and clenching around Kelley’s fingers. It’s Em’s freckles dotting pale skin, her blue eyes fluttering prettily as she comes down from her peak. It’s Emily, because maybe it’s always been Emily. 

Except then it really is Emily (but not in the way Kelley so desperately wants). Kelley is catapulted back into reality when the bathroom door slams open as she wipes off her fingers, still kissing the girl who’s not Emily. She doesn’t even register the other presence at first, but then an all-too-familiar voice rings through the space, and it shocks Kelley into pulling away. 

“Fuck.”

Fuck, indeed.

Kelley feels like a teenager caught making out with her girlfriend, except for the fact that she still doesn’t know the other girl’s name and she’s getting caught by the girl she  _ wishes _ was her girlfriend. It occurs to her that in a split second she’s been outed, but by then Emily is already storming through the bathroom door and back into the crowded bar. Kelley has the decency to shoot a sorry look at the very confused woman she was just fucking before she races off to search for Emily. 

It can’t end like this. 

They end up in an alley behind the bar. Kelley finds Emily leaning against a wall, playing with a loose string from her sweater. She refuses to meet Kelley’s eyes, and it stings. She’s never seen Emily look so small, so curled into herself, and she knows that no matter what she has to make this right somehow. “Em—”

“No, don’t you dare,” the younger woman spits out, and that hurts even more than the lack of eye contact. “How could you not tell me? I told you everything,  _ everything _ . And I find out about this huge thing by catching you fucking some girl? Why didn’t you tell me?” Even her voice is small, softer than usual, and what Kelley really wants is to wrap the woman up in a hug and apologize a thousand times over. But that would be too easy, and really, she doesn’t deserve it, so instead she sinks down near Emily and tries to find the right words. 

“I don’t know,” is all she can come up with.

“That’s pretty fucking weak,” Emily says, but it’s less fire and more sadness, weighed down by betrayal. 

“Do you want the real answer?”

Kelley is terrified that Emily might say yes, that she might have to finally lay it all out and bare her soul for the world to see. But she figures that if she’s already fucking their relationship up, she might as well go all the way—when Emily’s eyes finally land on Kelley’s and the younger woman nods, she prepares herself for inevitable doom and dives in. 

“Because I’m a coward. Because I was fucking scared. I didn’t want to mess anything up, so I pretended that there wasn’t anything to mess up.” She tries to ignore Emily’s questioning gaze by lowering her eyes, switching their roles so that she’s the one who refuses eye contact. 

“I wouldn’t have cared,” Emily whispers, tipping Kelley’s chin up so that their eyes finally meet. And Kelley knows that she’s talking about the gay thing, has to be, but it feels like more. The older woman has to stop herself from kissing the blonde right then and there. 

The brunette isn’t usually one to pray, but in that moment she finds herself sending pleas up to the sky for anyone who will listen, asking for the right words. Asking for anything that won’t screw over her and Emily. “I know that you wouldn’t have cared.” 

“So why didn’t you tell me?” 

“That—the coming out wasn’t what I was scared of.” And there it is, every single one of Kelley’s emotions over a year compiled into a sentence. All of her feelings for the other woman, thrown into the air between them, air that only seems to be getting heavier the longer their confessional goes on. Nothing explicit was said, but Kelley just knows that Emily gets it, can feel it in the sadness around the edges of Emily’s eyes, the way her eyebrows are scrunched on her forehead in not quite a frown. 

Instead of reacting like Kelley expected, by storming out or yelling or even crying, Emily just settles back into the wall behind them, letting it hold her up. She’s looking up at the sky, seemingly searching out stars, and Kelley can’t help but stare as passing cars illuminate the other woman. “I wish you would have told me, Kel.”

She can finally let out the breath she’s been holding when she recognizes the nickname, and at last they’re back on solid ground. Emily is smiling slightly now, just the corners of her lips turned up as she turns back to focus on the brunette. “Why?” It’s a miracle the word even makes it out, because Kelley feels like the air is being taken out of her lungs as she stares at the younger woman. 

“Because I would have kissed you so much earlier.” 

They don’t actually kiss that night, despite everything. Even so, it’s a relief, because the air around Kelley feels lighter, the weight on her chest from all the lying and sneaking around gone. For the most part, everything is back to normal; they’re Kelley and Emily again, the two overly touchy goofballs who have an inexplicable soft spot for the other. 

Their time in New York is coming to an end along with the pride festivities, though, and Kelley ends up going out with a bang—a call from her boss at the university, letting her know that the old head trainer quit and Kelley will be getting a promotion effective as soon as she’s back in Athens. Emily ends up making plans to fly out of JFK into Atlanta, leaving a day earlier than Kelley so that she’ll be able to spend more time with her family before school starts up again. So they pack up their motel room and get ready to say goodbyes that seem more permanent than they really are. 

Fortunately, Kelley doesn’t cry at the airport. She’s always been an airport crier, something Emily has never failed to make fun of her for when they drove together to send off Kelley’s relatives after Christmas or other holidays. But Kelley is determined to stay dry-eyed for once, even as Emily is walking to security and it finally sinks in that this is the last they’ll see of each other for nearly a month.

Her plan to not cry is shattered as soon as she sees Emily running back back to her, bag abandoned near TSA. She can already feel tears building up.

She doesn’t have a chance to let the tears fall, though, because before she can register anything else Emily’s arms are wrapped around her and they’re kissing, soft and slow and Kelley doesn’t even care that they’re in the middle of a very public airport because finally, she is kissing Emily Sonnett. 

The world seems to slow down around them as their lips move together, mostly because Emily is all Kelley can focus on. The other woman’s arms around her, soft lips that Kelley has dreamed of for so long. They stay like that, just wrapped up in each other, for longer than what is probably appropriate. 

A call for the owner of Emily’s bag is what finally breaks them apart. Emily gives a stunned Kelley one last peck before she leaves to actually go through security this time.

It hurts more than Kelley thought possible to say goodbye. 

————

Kelley spends the entire drive back to Georgia thinking about Emily's lips on hers. Everything about that kiss felt significant, like it should have been a Big Airport Moment the movies always talk about. But instead it just feels like the precarious balance their friendship lives in has been tipped, and so Kelley spends the miles listening to Taylor Swift and waiting for a text from Emily.

The trip back is uneventful, for the most part. It takes much less time now that Emily isn’t demanding they stop at all the stupid tourist attractions on the way. In fact, the only place Kelley finds herself stopping is that point where they looked up at the stars. The whole thing seems less magical in the daylight, surrounded by farmland and the sun glaring down on cracked concrete. 

Then again, everything seems a little less magical without Emily.

She’s sitting alone in a motel one day, eating a sad excuse for a breakfast when a notification pops up on her phone. When she opens LinkedIn—something she hasn’t done since she started hanging out with Emily and became that much more content in Georgia—a job is being recommended. A job as an AT with the Seattle Reign. 

Finally, this could be her chance to get out. Kelley stays in the motel dining room for longer than she should, making sure that every part of her resume is perfect and filling out an application. The application is sent across the country, and Kelley can breathe a little easier knowing that she might have a future outside of Athens. 

It’s only when her mind drifts back to blue eyes and freckled skin that she really stops to think about what she’s done. It’s only then that she realizes that maybe getting out of Athens isn’t what she wants if it means leaving Emily behind. 

But the deed is done, and Emily doesn’t have to know about it (besides, Kelley thinks, she has absolutely no chance at the job, so no matter how much she would love Seattle the chances that she would actually be moving are slim). Instead of dwelling on it, or their kiss, Kelley shakes the blonde out of her head and focuses on trying desperately to quell the hope that she might be living in the Emerald City. 

Nothing has changed when Kelley gets back. The bookstore remains exactly the same, boring as ever, so the brunette busies herself by working with the soccer team, immersing herself in the preseason and trying not to think about what being an AT for a pro team would feel like. 

For better or worse, Athens is constant. The town seems to be uninterrupted in its daily workings, no matter what happens in the outside world or among its residents. Kelley never really minded—liked the routine of it all, even—but now she’s discovering that her relationship with Emily seems to be morphing into just another part of Athens’ clockwork. 

They haven’t talked about the kiss. Haven’t talked about much at all, really, because Emily is getting busier with each passing day. It’s her senior year, and that means that she has less time for Kelley. The older woman tries to be fine with it, she really does, but Emily’s absences make it easier for the brunette to accept when the Reign calls and asks for a phone interview. 

Kelley leads the bulldogs through an undefeated preseason, checking for injuries and writing up programs for the players all the while. When she’s not doing that, or tending to the bookstore, she’s trying not to think about the way Emily’s lips felt on hers. She pushes all thoughts of blonde flyaways and goofy dancing out of her head, because clearly Sonnett doesn’t have time for her anymore. 

(They’re texting less and less, and even though Kelley tries to convince herself that it’s not her fault, it’s not because of the kiss, it doesn’t work. Nothing works, so she throws herself into her jobs, dreaming of life in Seattle and telling herself that if Sonnett doesn’t care, she shouldn’t either.)

Somehow, it works. As long as Kelley can ignore the constant ache in her chest from missing Sonnett, she can convince herself that she’s okay like this. Realistically, she should be okay. She finally has an actual AT job, working with actual athletes. She has a chance at a huge promotion across the country. It’s just—

It’s just that even though work and Seattle, dreams of the Space Needle and the Reign should be the only things on her mind, they never are. It doesn’t matter what Kelley is doing, there’s always a nagging sensation at the back of her brain, whispering  _ what about Sonnett _ ? 

And the thing is, Seattle remains just that, a dream (while Kelley’s mind keeps telling her that Sonnett is real, Sonnett is  _ right there _ ). Until it’s not just a dream anymore. One day, completely out of the blue, Kelley gets a second call from the Reign. She’s expecting rejection, but somehow, it’s the opposite.

She officially has a job, a real job working with professional athletes for a professional team. A real job that’s thousands of miles away.

So finally, Kelley and Sonnett sit down and talk. Sonnett brings coffee, just the way Kelley likes it, and they settle down one last time in between shelves of the dusty bookstore. It’s just like the airport kiss, eerily so, in that it feels like the moment should be significant. But it’s all Kelley can do not to flinch away when Sonnett’s head lands on her shoulder, and it’s entirely too awkward as a product of not talking for so long. 

“Kel—” 

Sonnett starts right as Kelley says “There’ssomethingIhavetotalktoyouabout,” so rushed that the brunette isn’t quite sure the other woman understood. They both take a breath, laughing the slightest bit. “You go first,” Kelley finally mumbles, staring at a spot just to the right of Sonnett’s head.

“Jeez, okay.” The blonde is wringing her hands, a nervous habit that Kelley knows well. “So, I just wanted to apologize. I know that I haven’t been talking to you as much as I should, especially after… after the airport. You’re the first girl I’ve ever really wanted to date, and that’s a bit overwhelming. But it wasn’t fair to basically cut you off like that, so I’m sorry. I missed you, Kel.” 

And Kelley can feel her heart sinking. “Oh, Em,” she sighs, because this should have happened so much earlier. She should have waited, shouldn’t have immediately assumed the worst. Shouldn’t have ignored the hole in her chest. 

But now Emily is rubbing her thumb across the older girl’s knuckles, and instead of making her feel better it just makes Kelley feel like she might cry. “What, Kel?” It’s soft and vaguely understanding, like maybe the younger woman already knows. How could she know how badly Kelley fucked up, though, when Kelley herself didn’t even know? 

“I got a job in Seattle.” 

The sentence sits lone and heavy between them, and if Emily is shocked she’s doing a good job of hiding it. “When do you leave?”

“In a week. I’m so sorry, Em, I should have told you sooner, I just—” Kelley is cut off by the younger woman raising a finger to her lips. There’s a look of resignation in her eyes, and it surprises Kelley simply because she doesn’t recognize this expression on the girl she’s spent so much time with. 

“It’s like I said—you’re too big for Georgia, Kel.” The resignation has turned to sadness, plain and clear, and that sadness finds its way into the blonde’s voice. She stands up, pulling Kelley with her. They’re closer than they’ve been in months, but all Kelley can think about is how she’ll be on a plane across the country in under 168 hours. 

Emily moves even closer, connecting their lips in a gentle kiss. It’s slow and soft, could be described as languid if not for the crushing time restraint on their relationship. All too soon, they’re separated, and Kelley tries her hardest not to cry. “Don’t be a stranger, Kel,” the blonde says sadly as she walks out of the bookstore for the last time. 

A week later, Kelley lands in Seattle. She breaths west coast air for the first time, and it hurts. Because suddenly it feels like she’s made an awful mistake—feels like Emily should be there with her.

The woman she loves is 2,000 miles away, and there’s nothing Kelley can do about it. 

————

It’s only when Kelley hears a light snore from under her that she realizes her wife has fallen asleep. She laughs at the predictability of it all—Emily has only been able to make it through that story without dozing off a couple times out of the dozens Kelley has told it. 

When Kelley had first landed it Seattle, the loneliness of it all felt like it was crushing her. 

Now, though, wrapped up in her wife ( _ wife _ !) in their house, listening to the rain, Kelley knows that she’ll never feel lonely again. 


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a christmas chapter while it's nearly 60 degrees out here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading and giving me feedback on the last chapter! i don't have much to say about this one, honestly, except that it's pretty much pure fluff with just a lil bit of angst. unedited, and don't look too closely at the timeline otherwise it starts to unravel :)
> 
> feel free to comment, at some point i will get around to replying. hope everyone is staying safe and staying indoors. enjoy!

It's nearly midnight and Kelley hasn't been able to keep her eyes closed for more than five minutes. Emily loves her wife ( _ so much _ ), but the wiggling is getting old, especially since they're picking Ryan up tomorrow morning.

"Baby, why aren't you asleep?" She asks, nearly a whisper since she's too tired to be any louder.

"I just can't believe we're gonna have a son tomorrow," Kelley replies, and even with her eyes half-closed Emily can perfectly picture her wife's dopey grin. "We've waited so long, and we're finally gonna be moms." No matter how annoyed she may be in the moment, Emily can’t help but share in Kelley’s excitement. They had spent months going through the steps to adopt—filling out applications, going through inquiries and background checks, locating documents, visitations—and after years of discussion and waiting they were going to be parents. 

Emily rolls over to properly face the older woman, who only grins wider when their eyes meet. “Kel, honey, I know you’re excited. I am too, but you need to sleep at some point. Otherwise you’re gonna be a zombie when Ryan comes home.” Kelley’s eyes light up when she mentions their soon-to-be-son, and the younger woman immediately knows she made a mistake. Even during visitations, the two had gotten along almost too well. They’re going to be a handful to deal with, and as Kelley starts wiggling  _ more  _ Emily realizes that the older woman might not need sleep, but she certainly does if she wants to survive the next day.

“Babe. Kel.” It’s firm, and Emily knows Kelley is listening when the older woman finally stops moving. “I’m gonna help you get to sleep, because if your eyes aren’t closed in the next half hour I’m kicking you out to the couch.” 

“But—” Kelley starts to protest, but when Emily shoots her a look she seems to reconsider. “Fine,” the older woman pouts. “How are you gonna help me sleep?” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, but Emily is quick to shoot down what she’s insinuating. 

“Nope. Sex only makes you more hyper.” 

The brunette laughs as she burrows into Emily, kissing along her neck until she’s close enough to bump their noses together gently. “You know me so well.”

Emily just hugs her closer, smiling into her wife’s mouth as they kiss quickly. “It’s what I signed up for when we married.” Kelley is smiling, too, wrapping her cold hands around the blonde’s bare stomach and planting a kiss on her cheek. 

“Well, how are you going to make me fall asleep, then?” Emily takes it upon herself to kiss slowly along the brunette’s face, effectively shutting the older woman up as she leans into the contact. 

“I have an idea.”

“Hmm?” Kelley hums, and Emily notes that her wife is already moving less as she wraps herself around the blonde. 

“How about I finish our story?” She’s still smiling as the other woman hums in the affirmative, moving impossibly closer and winding their legs together under the sheets.The blonde lays another kiss on the brunette’s temple, thinking about where she should start. 

————

Emily wasn't exactly shocked when Kelley finally came out to her. Despite the older woman's secretism, there aren't that many Kelley O'Haras on the internet; Emily had found her profiles after the first couple months when her crush was fully developed. The only reason she hadn't confronted the other woman earlier was that something was clearly holding her back, something that went beyond queerness or acceptance. 

She'd be lying if she said she hadn't started going into the bookstore every day because of selfish reasons. Really, she had wanted to see Kelley—the freckled brunette had wormed her way into Emily's heart faster than anyone else, in a way that was entirely unfamiliar and more than a little scary. The thing was, Emily wasn't sure if the older woman felt the same about her. They went between hot and cold, between touching constantly and keeping a safe distance. It all seemed to culminate in New York, when Kelley started disappearing for hours at a time, getting drunk every night. It hurt more than it should have when Emily walked in on the older woman, when her heart broke.

But then they made up. They kissed. They had an Airport Moment—everything should have been fine. And it was, from the outside. Emily could feel a change between them, though, something that wasn’t necessarily tied to the kiss that they still hadn’t talked about (partly because the blonde couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow, the best thing in her life was about to fall apart). 

What Kelley didn’t see that last night at the bookstore was the tears that started falling the minute Emily left the bookstore. What she didn’t see was all the phone calls with Lindsey, Emily trying to be okay with the brunette leaving. What she didn’t see was that no matter what, when the younger woman thought of Kelley, it felt like a hole was opening up in her chest, swallowing everything except thoughts of the brunette and fears that they may never see each other again. 

The blonde spent the better part of a month trying not to think about Kelley, trying not to cry whenever she saw a Seattle skyline on tv or in the news. Her senior year gave her plenty of distractions, the workload increasing at a nearly constant rate even as she had almost abandoned studying. She had quickly discovered that one of the worst things about Kelley’s departure was that the bookstore, which had once seemed so friendly and open, now just seemed  _ empty _ in a way that made it impossible for Emily to get anything done. 

It turns out that what she had said that night under the stars was true. Kelley being gone meant that nearly every part of the younger woman’s routine had changed, abandoning all of the activities and places they shared in favor of bleak classrooms and solitude (while it was lonely, being reminded of Kelley somehow made her feel even lonelier, so she cut out everything that could remind her of the other woman and tried to focused on not failing her classes). 

Just make it through the semester. That was her mantra. One semester, and then a break to wallow and regret and wonder if things could be different. 

She takes it one day at a time. It’s a miracle that she keeps her grades up, because most of the time she doesn’t have any recollection of the papers she apparently wrote or the tests she takes. She tries her best to pretend that it isn’t because of the constant flow of  _ Kelley  _ through her brain, but she’s never been very good at hiding anything, and unfortunately Lindsey is quick to pick up on it. 

“What the fuck has been up with you?” The other woman asks tactlessly one morning when they’re at brunch. Her loud swearing draws several stares, and Emily is quick to clap a hand over her mouth. 

“What do you mean?” Emily hisses when Lindsey concedes a sheepish glance. 

“Dude, you know exactly what I mean. Ever since Kelley left you’ve been super off—” Emily must make a face, because Lindsey is quick to cut herself off and look over the older woman while she settles back in her chair victoriously. “So it is about Kelley.” 

“No,” Emily mutters, but it’s clear she’s been made. 

Lindsey is still staring silently, and even though Emily spent the better part of a month crying while on the phone with her friend, she feels strangely vulnerable in that moment. “I don’t understand,” Lindsey starts. Emily moves to the edge of her seat, preparing for disaster, but the other woman cuts her off. “No, hear me out, Em. You two are so clearly in love with each other. Like, holy shit. The way she looks at you, dude, it’s like you’re her stars or something else super romantic. And don’t even get me started on you. You’re so far gone for her, and I hate that she hurt you at all, but this isn’t normal hurt. If you were just friends, you wouldn’t still be thinking about her.” 

She pauses for a moment, eyeing Emily up and down and clearly considering something. “Listen, I shouldn’t be telling you this. But, um, Kelley has my number from the soccer team, right?” Emily nods for her to continue, and Lindsey takes a deep breath before she keeps going. “Okay. So, basically… basically, Kelley started calling and texting more when she left. And do you know what all of those calls and texts were about?”

Deep in the pit of her stomach, Emily already knows the answer, but she doesn’t want to let herself hope, so she shakes her head and waits for Lindsey to either restore her hope or crush it. 

“You, Em. Every single one of them was about you. Every day for weeks, she would ask how you were doing. It was fucking killing her to try and let you be. Look, Kelley… isn’t the best at feelings. That much is very clear to me now. But that girl would do anything for you, short of getting up the courage to actually confess all of this. I think maybe the ball is in your court now, dude. I don’t know how fair this is, honestly, but it’s up to you.” 

Emily thinks about their talk more than she probably should. It sticks with her for weeks after that, and even when the semester is nearing its close it still feels like the news hasn’t quite set in. If she was drifting through classes before, it’s even worse now, because all she can think about is Kelley and love and her move.  _ She has to make a move _ . 

She stays true to her promise, though, and makes it through the semester. Despite everything she gets all her work done, and it looks like she’s on track to complete her degree without any problems. Winter break is a welcome distraction, an opportunity to study and get a jump on all the papers that will inevitably be due. She tries to keep herself focused, tries to keep herself from thinking about Kelley. It seems to be working, until—

Until two days into the break, she’s on a plane to Seattle. 

It’s a redeye flight, the only one open so last-minute, and it would be torture but Emily is preoccupied thinking about  _ she looks at you like the stars _ . Everything has been reminding her of Kelley lately—the stuffed squirrel the kid next to her is holding, the way one flight attendant has her bandana tied, the stars themselves that look like Kelley’s freckles spread over an expanse of midnight skin. 

The terrible thing about being isolated in the air, Emily quickly discovers, is that she’s pretty much alone with her thoughts. Before boarding the flight she hadn’t had time to think about the what-ifs (what if Kelley thinks she’s a stalker, what if Kelley doesn’t love her, what if she’s moved or forgotten about her or has a girlfriend or—), but now they’re crowding her mind in a claustrophobic mess of anxiety. Her hands start shaking twenty minutes after takeoff, and not long after her breath follows and becomes shallow gasps. 

She’s not sure whether to be embarrassed or grateful when the boy next to her offers his stuffed squirrel. Instead of dwelling on it she thanks him, hugs it close, and tries to imagine that she’s hugging Kelley. 

What finally calms her down is that if everything goes according to plan, she’ll be hugging Kelley for real in less than five hours. 

At some point she and the boy come to an unspoken agreement and each hold one of the squirrel’s hands, leaving it dangling between them. In return for the use of his stuffed animal, Emily doesn’t resist when he falls asleep against her, using her arm as a pillow. The woman next to him (most likely his mother, she figures) smiles fondly at her when he shifts so that he’s hugging her arm. “Who do you have in Seattle?” She asks quietly. 

“My—” Emily is about to say girlfriend, but she catches herself and sighs instead. “Well, um, it’s complicated.” 

“Ah. I’ve been there,” the woman nods wisely. “When my wife and I first met, we were a mess. She already had this little guy,” she ruffles the boy’s hair fondly, and Emily is struck by how similar he and Kelley look, with reddish-brown hair and freckles. “And I was scared to commit. I was scared I would screw it up, and I hurt both of us in the process.” 

“How,” Emily starts. “Um, how did you fix it?” 

The woman smiles widely. “I grovelled. A lot.” She winks at the end of the sentence, laughing at what Emily is sure must be an astonished look on her face. “I’m Morgan, by the way, but you can call me Moe.” 

“Emily.” She holds out the hand that isn’t being slept on and Moe shakes it with a grin. 

“Tell you what, Emily.” The woman digs a piece of paper and pen out of her carry-on. “I’ll give you my number, and if you end up staying in Seattle and need anything, give me a call. I’m sure I could get Meghan to agree to a babysitter, also.” She laughs slightly. “I hope it goes well with your… person.” 

Emily accepts the piece of paper with a genuine smile and supplies “girlfriend, kind of.” as Moe tries to figure out the gender of her “person”. 

“Well, I’m always happy to help a baby gay. I hope it goes well with your kind of girlfriend.” 

The rest of the flight goes quickly now that she has someone to talk to. She spends the hours talking to Moe, filling her in on her and Kelley’s story and listening in turn as the other woman talks about her wife. 

When she steps off the plane, Emily feels like it might just work out. 

————

She goes straight to Kelley’s apartment. Lindsey (bless her soul) has been on call since the plane landed, sending a constant stream of reassurance and encouragement after she somehow manages to procure the brunette’s address. 

Despite everything, Emily’s hands are still shaking when she arrives at Kelley’s door. She finds herself wishing that she still had the stuffed squirrel to keep her company, because even though Lindsey insists that nothing could possibly go wrong, the past couple months have not exactly been the most healthy for either Emily or Kelley. She has no idea how the older woman will react to her showing up on the doorstep unannounced. Even the possibility that she’ll get turned away is enough to make the blonde reconsider, because she can’t lose Kelley more than she already has. 

It’s that thought that finally makes her buck up. She’s already lost so much time with the older woman, so many chances to confess and make up and get together. So she takes a breath, steps forward, and knocks once before she can lose her nerve. 

After nearly three agonizing minutes (not that Emily was counting), the door opens and her breath is taken away. Kelley O’Hara is incredible under normal circumstances, but she’s a sight for sore eyes for Emily and that makes her all the more beautiful. The blonde can’t help herself and immediately dives in to wrap the older woman up in a hug. 

“Em—” Kelley’s voice catches in her throat when she pulls away, holding the younger woman at an arm’s length and just staring. Emily can’t help but notice that her eyes look maybe a little red and puffy, but she passes it off as her imagination as Kelley wraps her in another hug. “I can’t believe you’re really here,” the brunette whispers against her neck. “I just… wow.” 

This time Emily is pulling away, linking their hands between them as she takes a moment to look at the other woman for the first time in months. “I’m sorry for showing up like this, it’s just… when you left I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t do anything without thinking about you. I don’t want to be anywhere that you’re not, Kel.” They’re both crying now, for once out of happiness instead of the sadness they’ve both become accustomed to. 

“Come in,” Kelley says softly as she moves aside to let the younger woman into her space. “God, Em, I missed you so much, so fucking much—” She’s cut off with a kiss, messy and wet with tears and perfect, because they’re together. They’re finally together. 

The apartment is surprisingly empty as the older woman leads Emily through it. “I couldn’t make myself unpack when you were still in Georgia,” Kelley admits when she catches the blonde staring at the empty walls. They spend hours after that curled up in each other, basking in the contact after being apart for so long. 

Later, Kelley has to leave for work. Emily is reluctant to let her go, but after some convincing and a promise of dinner the older woman is able to get out of the apartment. Emily shoots Moe a text, letting her know that it all worked out and thanking her for the airplane talk. The near-empty apartment gets lonely quickly, so the blonde steals one of Kelley’s hoodies and settles in on the couch to think about the future to distract herself until the older woman returns. 

It quickly becomes clear that Emily is in a little over her head in Seattle. She had left Georgia without thinking everything through, but now that she’s here she can’t imagine leaving Kelley again, even for a semester. She’s already made arrangements for Lindsey to ship some of her stuff out, but university is an entirely different problem (she refuses to endanger her degree, especially after she’s completed seven out of her eight semesters). At some point she’ll have to talk to Kelley about it, and probably consider more options, but for now she fills out some of the preliminary transfer applications for the UW to make herself feel better. 

She’s never been more ready to completely uproot her life, she realizes as she settles into Kelley’s couch, waiting for the other woman to come home. 

————

Time seems to pass more quickly in Seattle. It turns out that Emily and Kelley have no problems settling into life together, and once the younger woman officially transfers to the University of Washington, everything moves seamlessly. 

They’ve been called U-Haul lesbians by nearly every single one of their friends, but naturally that comes with the territory. They seem to fit perfectly together, learning each other’s movements and routines nearly instantly. Living together means they learn more about each other, too, something that Emily has prized as Kelley lets down more and more of her walls and the two get closer once again. 

One thing Kelley has revealed about herself is that she “fucking loves Christmas”. And with the holiday right around the corner, the brunette is dragging Emily around Seattle only two days after she flies in. They hit all the hotspots in just a couple days: the Sheraton’s massive gingerbread village, the Teddy Bear Suite at the Fairmont, a holiday carousel that they are clearly much too old for. The whole thing also reveals something about Emily, as she watches Kelley’s wide smile and childlike excitement—

She would do anything for this woman. 

(She’s already moved cross-country right before a major holiday, which probably should have sufficed to prove it, but something about Kelley dusted with mist and literally  _ glowing _ when they see the zoo lights just hits different.)

It’s pretty safe to say that they check everything off of the older woman’s holiday to-do list, especially since it seems to be physically impossible for the blonde to say no to her girlfriend. 

There are some problems, of course, most of which come because Kelley is calling the shots. The first happens when the tree the brunette picks out won’t even fit in their apartment building, which means that Emily spends the day outside cutting down branches until it can fit through the door. The second is when Kelley buys an entire box of glass ornaments, only to drop them on the way up the stairs and take a walk of shame back up to their apartment to get the broom (with Emily laughing and filming the entire thing). 

Surprisingly, though, Christmas arrives and nobody is hurt. The tree is intact, albeit much smaller, and they managed to scrounge up some plastic ornaments to liven it up a little. Emily wakes up that morning to Kelley hovering over her with two cups of coffee on the nightstand and a pile of gifts at the foot of the bed. 

“Morning, baby,” Kelley murmurs as she greets the blonde with a kiss. “I know you’re not quite as hyped about Christmas as I am, so I brought Christmas to you.” She’s beaming as she stares down at Emily, and the younger woman can’t help but reciprocate the smile. 

“Morning,” she hums, quickly followed by “Kelley, fuck, why are your hands so fucking cold?!” as Kelley tries to stick her ice-cold hands under Emily’s shirt. “Christ, babe, did you stick them in the snow or something?” 

Kelley just winks, catapulting herself off the bed to crouch by the presents. “Or something,” she teases with a smirk. Emily barely manages to catch the first present that’s thrown at her, one wrapped in dog paper with Kelley’s name on the tag. By the time she’s looked up, Kelley is already tearing through one of her presents from the younger woman, enthusiastically shredding the paper. “Open it,” Kelley says softly, nodding to the gift in Emily’s hand when she looks over and sees it unopened on the bed. 

Emily quickly acquiesces, curious as to what would make the brunette choose this one first. She tears through the wrapping paper only slightly more slowly than Kelley, registering along the way that the brunette has abandoned her own present and is focused on Emily as she reaches a box underneath the paper. 

“Kel,” the blonde laughs when she opens the box and a stuffed squirrel is peeking out. “Honey, where did you even get this?”

“Do you not like it?” Kelley replies anxiously. “It’s just that you were telling me about Moe, on the plane, and I thought that he,” she nods to the squirrel, “looked soft and cuddly. And maybe, if you wanted to, if you ever got lonely, you could hug him and it would be kind of like hugging me?” The brunette ends by looking down bashfully, clearly thinking that Emily is somehow disappointed with the gift. 

“Kelley,” Emily says softly. She waits until the older woman is tipping her head up so that their eyes meet, and the blush on Kelley’s cheeks makes itself apparent the longer Emily spends looking at her. “I love it. Thank you so much.” The blonde has to restrain herself from adding  _ I love you _ , words that lay unsaid between the two but always seem to be hanging in the air. 

The other woman just averts her eyes, rubbing the back of her neck and trying to hide the huge smile on her face. “Good. I’m glad. Now let’s open some more presents!” 

Christmas continues without any problems. Kelley cooks a vegan dinner that Emily pretends to hate, and that night they settle in next to each other to marathon holiday movies and see who can stay awake the longest—Kelley is snoring halfway through the first movie, but Emily doesn’t move, content to let the brunette sleep draped over her chest. It feels like home, in a way that a barely-lived-in apartment in a new city shouldn’t. 

But at some point during the night, Emily realizes that she hasn’t thought about her actual home at all. Her family hasn’t crossed her mind, even though she would normally be doing all of her holiday activities with them. All of her thoughts have been occupied with  _ Kelley _ , with  _ I love her  _ and  _ how did I get so lucky? _

With her family, though, lies another issue, one that Emily purposely hasn’t been thinking about. The fact of the matter is, she hasn’t come out to them yet. It’s just that they’re traditional, and conservative, and probably think she’s living with a friend. Not to mention that Kelley was basically kicked out after she was outed, something that the older woman tries to hide desperately but Erin filled Emily in on at some point. 

Besides, for the past few weeks Kelley and Emily have been living in a bubble. It’s something that Emily would rather preserve, something that’s cozy; it’s just been them cuddled up with a shield from the outside world. 

She might be content living in that bubble forever, watching movies with her two favorite squirrels, except that Kelley pops it two days after Christmas. “How did you explain this to your family?” She asks while they’re walking through Pike Place one morning. The question jerks Emily out of the trance she was in staring at a tank of lobsters, yanking her back to reality. 

“Ummm,” The blonde starts and immediately trails off. “I may have told them that I was doing a paper on how climate affects holiday spirit.”

“And they believed that?!” 

They’ve stopped walking now, instead parked next to a booth of flowers. “They clearly don’t have the best gaydar ever, Kel. Besides, they’re like, old. They could probably watch us kiss and think we were just friends.” 

Kelley turns away at that. The blonde tries to figure out what she said wrong, because something is clearly bothering the other woman, but she comes up empty. “Would you let them think we were friends, though?” Kelley asks quietly, and suddenly it hits Emily like a ton of bricks. 

“Kel—God, you know I wouldn’t do that to you, right? Of course I wouldn’t, it’s just…” Emily pauses, wracks her brain for the right thing to say. “You're everything to me. You know that, right? And I would correct them in a heartbeat, I swear…” 

“But?” The other woman prods gently.

“But I’m scared,” Emily finally admits, and for a second she’s worried that it got lost to the din of the market, but then Kelley’s eyes finally meet hers again. 

Kelley looks concerned, stroking the blonde’s hand as she stares into space. “I’m not gonna pressure you,” she promises. “And you don’t have to come out until you’re one hundred percent ready. I would never do that. Just—can you promise me that one day I’ll get to meet them? As your girlfriend?” The older woman’s eyes are open, unguarded when she looks up at Emily. 

“Of course, baby. Of course.” 

Kelley’s smile returns soon after that, soft and small but still there. The market remains unchanged, but now all that Emily can think about is coming out, sharing the woman she loves with her family. 

————

It happens much sooner than anyone would have expected. The day after their walk at Pike Place, Emily is sitting on the couch with Kelley in her lap when her phone rings. It’s a facetime call from her parents, still in Georgia and no doubt celebrating with Emily’s extended family.

“Are you going to answer it?” Kelley nudges the blonde when she remains frozen, staring at her screen. The jolt is enough to spur her into action, though, and she quickly joins the call. 

“Emily!” Her parents are grainy, the audio half cut-off, but even seeing them through the shitty phone quality is enough to bring a smile to Emily’s face. 

“Hey, y’all,” she replies, ignoring Kelley’s snicker at the way her accent immediately intensifies. She’s careful to frame them so that it’s not obvious the older woman is on her lap.

“How’s Christmas doing your research paper been?” Emma asks from the other side of the line, and something about her tone tells Emily that she  _ knows _ . It’s terrifying, but also a little relieving, because that’s one less person she has to shock. 

As her parents clap excitedly on the screen at the mention of her “research trip”, Emily steels herself. She can’t keep lying to them, especially about Kelley; she can feel hazel eyes staring up at her while she exchanges pleasantries with her family. She only realizes she’s shaking when Kelley squeezes her hand, but by then it’s too late to back out. “I need to tell you guys something.” 

Kelley sends her a questioning look, squeezing her hand tighter. Emily hadn’t actually told the other woman that this was the plan, but she desperately needed the moral support and Kelley is basically trapped now. “What, honey?” Jane asks, and Kelley’s grip only gets tighter (Emily notes that maybe they’re both shaking now, which doesn’t serve to calm her nerves at all). 

“So, I might have been lying, about the research trip. I’m not in Seattle for school at all. I’m actually here because of Kelley,” the blonde pauses to collect her thoughts. Kelley, who’s still on her lap, gives her subtle thumbs up even with shaking hands, and it’s all the encouragement she needs to keep going. “Kelley is my girlfriend. I’m moving out here to live with her, and I don’t really expect you guys to understand. But I’m gay. And I just hope you can accept that, because it’s a part of me, and it has been for a long time, and—”

“Em,” Emma cuts her off. “You’re rambling.” 

All Emily can seem to do is nod as she falls silent. She doesn’t miss the approval in Emma’s gaze, the small nod she gives, but she also doesn’t miss the fact that neither of her parents have said anything. After an awkwardly long pause, Bill finally clears his throat and looks back at the camera. “We’re proud of you, Emily, no matter what. Your mother and I just hope you know that. And… we’re okay with you being gay. I might not have been, earlier on, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel if you weren’t allowed to be yourself. But times are changing, and I can’t let you youngin’s leave me behind. All that’s important is you, and we love you. Always.” 

Kelley sniffles from out of frame, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “Are we going to get to meet this Kelley?” Jane asks excitedly, and Emily lets out a breath when it’s confirmed that everything is okay between them. 

She shifts the camera so that Kelley is the focus, who gives an endearingly awkward wave. Emma and Jane coo over how cute she is for a while (although most of Emma’s compliments are digs at Emily, wondering how she got a girl so out of her league). Bill remains in the background, but gives Emily a firm nod when their eyes meet over the screen.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Kelley asks when the call is wrapped up nearly an hour later. Emily just laughs at the older woman, who’s still sniffling slightly on her lap, now underneath a giant blanket. 

“Maybe next time you can join my family for the holidays,” Emily suggests in reply. Kelley’s face lights up, and it’s then that Emily realizes just how much the brunette must be longing for an accepting family of some kind. 

“Would they really let me?”

“Of course, baby, they love you.” Once again, Emily bites back what’s on the tip of her tongue. Really, all she wants to say is  _ I love you too _ . 

————

After all the craziness that accompanies the holidays have passed and Emily’s parents have worn themselves out texting how proud of her they are every day, Kelley makes it a mission to show Emily around every part of Seattle. The brunette only has a couple months of being there on Emily, but somehow she’s seen so much more of the city, a fact she seems determined to remedy. Their first stop is Alki Beach, which Kelley proclaims is the “best place for swimming” even though it’s literally cold enough to kill someone.

When they pull up to the beach, Kelley has a faraway look in her eye. It’s still there when she turns to Emily, holding her hand across the armrest. “This is where I came when I missed you,” she says quietly, and Emily’s heart aches for the other woman (they were both so  _ stupid _ , she realizes). 

“You’ll never have to miss me again,” Emily offers as she squeezes Kelley’s hand.

“I know, baby.” They share a quick kiss before getting out of the car. The blonde instantly shivers when cold air hits her skin, but lucky for her Kelley catches it and immediately moves closer, wrapping the younger woman in the extra jacket she brought along. It smells like Kelley, and even shivering Emily can’t help but feel at home. 

They walk along the beach, with Kelley pointing out her favorite spots to sit and Emily hunting for sea glass behind her. Their hands stay linked the entire time. Now that they’re officially together, they always seem to be touching in some way, and Emily can’t get enough of it. She loves being able to reach out and have Kelley’s skin under her fingertips, being able to hug the other woman on demand. 

When they get to a bench along the seawall, Kelley pulls Emily down on her lap. They stay like that for a while, just being close and watching the gulls swoop over windblown water. Emily lets her head drop down to the brunette’s shoulder, where Kelley gently runs a hand through her hair. 

“Hey, Em?” 

“Hmm?” Emily hums, content to just sit and bask in what little warmth the sun is providing. 

“I know it’s kinda soon, but I just need you to know this. I was so scared that you wouldn’t follow me here, that you would give up on me. And then again, when you came out. But you haven’t given up on me yet,” Kelley murmurs. Her hand has found Emily’s now, and their fingers are intertwined in the blonde’s lap. 

“I would never give up on you, Kel,” the younger woman says softly. 

Kelley takes a breath, and Emily can feel the brunette’s chest slowly expanding under her. “Anyway, the point is, I love you. I love you so much, and you mean the world to me. And I’m so fucking glad that I got this second chance with you, and I will never ever waste it as long as you stay with me.” She lets out the breath, and with it squeezes Emily’s hand slightly. 

Emily takes a second to reply, squeezing Kelley’s hand back. Because she wants to come up with something cheesy and romantic, like Kelley did, but really all that matters is “I love you too,” whispered between them as the wind picks up into a howl. She can feel Kelley smile, still playing with her hair. 

All that matters in that moment is them. For just a second, Emily wishes it could stay like that forever. 

————

Kelley’s eyes have finally drifted shut, her head resting against Emily’s chest and arms wrapped tightly around the blonde’s middle. Emily thinks that maybe she’s finally in the clear, until Kelley stirs slightly and whispers, “I love you Em,” so quiet that it almost blends into the silence of their bedroom. 

“I love you too,” Emily whispers back with a soft peck on her wife’s temple. She settles back into the pillows, her wife on top of her, and takes a moment to think about how  _ lucky _ she is. Because cliched as it might sound, she really couldn’t ask for anything more.

A wonderful, loving, incredible wife she’s spent years with. A goofy dog who’s a good replacement cuddler when Kelley is away. And soon a son, with boundless energy and a sense of humor nearly identical to Kelley’s (which should really tell you something about the brunette). 

She’s so glad they got their shit together, that they have the rest of their life to spend learning about each other and being there for the other. 

There’s no one she would rather start a family with.


	3. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three (kind of) weddings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm??? terrible. i'm so sorry lmao. i'm literally so disappointed in myself i cannot. anyway! only took me three fucking months to finish this story finally. (i'm sitting here cringing this is seriously some next level procrastination on my part.) i don't know what else to say except that i'm very sorry, this is unedited, and also i'm not sure how i feel about it because i'm scared to reread the product of a three month break and then like three hours of just,, writing. nobody can convince that so'hara would not have a courthouse wedding. i very much hope that it's not terrible and you can enjoy it. 
> 
> also! a lot has happened. black lives matter. keep signing petitions and staying safe. please take a few minutes to just check out the sites i'm gonna stick below (i promise they're actually different sites even if the urls are very similar). i love all of you, please take the time to take care of yourself and keep washing your hands!  
> blacklivesmatter.carrd.co  
> blacklivesmatters.carrd.co

Kelley has never been more proud as she watches her girlfriend cross the stage. Graduation day at the UW has finally come, and since Em is onstage there’s nobody to stop the brunette from screaming “That’s my girlfriend!” and filling up her camera roll with grainy pictures. She knows for a fact that the people around her are being judgy, but being judged has never stopped her before and it sure as hell won’t now. 

As Emily receives her diploma, Kelley finds herself fidgeting with the ring in her pocket. It was a given that she was going to propose ever since the blonde followed her to Seattle. The problem has been finding the right time—between Kelley’s job and all of Emily’s schoolwork, the two have been hard-pressed for time together since Christmas. 

“There’s my girl,” Kelley greets Emily with a huge smile when they finally manage to find each other after the ceremony. “You did it, honey!” 

“I did it!” Emily is grinning back at Kelley. They both stand there for a second, just taking everything in before Emily pulls her girlfriend in for a kiss. “I couldn’t have done it without you,” she murmurs when they break apart.

“You wouldn’t be able to do anything without me,” Kelley teases, which earns her a playful poke on the forehead and another quick kiss. 

“Fuck it,” the blonde whispers after another second of staring. Kelley is about to ask what she’s fucking, but then she’s down on one knee in the middle of a crowd, holding a ring and looking up at the older woman with those irrestistable eyes. “This might be stupid, but I just want to be your wife. I mean, Emma definitely told me not to do this, and also several other people… and I didn’t listen to them—oh God, please just say something so I know if I’ve ruined everything,” she finishes nervously. 

Kelley can see the other woman’s confidence diminishing by the second, but she can’t seem to find the words. Then it hits her—instead of speaking, she mirrors Emily by dropping down onto one knee herself, fishing the ring out of her pocket and holding it out. Emily looks baffled, glancing back and forth between Kelley and the ring like she can’t quite understand what’s happening. “Fuck yes I want to be your wife,” Kelley declares loudy and Emily dissolves into relieved laughter. “Will you be my wife?”

“I’m gonna have a wife!” Emily screams instead of answering, and Kelley immediately stands up to kiss her. They exchange rings right there, still surrounded by a sea of graduates. Kelley picks her fiancee up bridal-style and makes her way through all the black robes. Just before the exit Emily chucks her hat into the air, yelling “I’m getting fucking married!” and Kelley almost drops her with how hard she’s laughing. 

They’re halfway back to their apartment when Kelley abruptly pulls the car over. It’s her turn for an idea (meaning it’s her turn for an idea that most people would strongly discourage, because Emily can’t make all the stupid descisions for herself). “What if we got married right now?” she shifts so that she can see Emily in the passenger seat.

At first the younger woman just laughs slightly, but then she takes in Kelley’s face and her eyes widen. “Wait, you’re serious?” 

Kelley takes Emily’s hand in her own and brings it to her lips, planting a soft kiss on each of her fingers. Emily just relaxes into her seat, still looking slightly incredulous. “Yes, I’m serious. Baby, I just want to be married to you. It doesn’t matter to me when, or where, as long as you’re there and you become my wife at the end of the day.” Kelley starts to fidget with her hands when Emily takes a while to reply.

“I’m in,” she says finally.

The brunette does a double-take, because she wasn’t expecting Emily to agree so easily. “Wait, really?!”

“Yeah,” Emily shrugs, settling back into her seat and playing with Kelley’s fingers. “You’re right. I’m gonna want a ceremony at some point, but right now I have an incredible fiancee who wants to become my wife, and I would be insane to pass that up.” 

“Have I told you how much I love you today?”

“Many times,” the blonde grins. “So, I believe we have an appearance to make at the courthouse?” 

The drive to city hall is filled with excited smiles and nervous glances. It hasn’t fully set in for either of the women that they’re engaged, much less that they’re getting married. Kelley feels like this must be a dream—she knows it’s not because even in her wildest dreams, she wasn’t marrying Emily so soon (she also made Emily pinch her several times to make sure). 

When they park before the building, Kelley looks at the blonde one more time. “Are you absolutely sure that you’re okay with this?” she’s more apprehensive about forcing Emily into something than she is about the wedding itself, but Emily’s bright smile puts all her fears to rest.

“Kelley Maureen O’Hara, I am one hundred percent sure that I want to marry you, and I promise I am completely fine with going home to a smoking hot wife.” Kelley jabs Emily in the ribs in response to her teasing, and they both break down in laughter.

“Well, your wife is certainly going to be lucky.” She strokes Emily’s hand while they talk, and the adoration in the younger woman’s eyes is so apparent when she looks up that Kelley has to catch her breath. 

“I can’t wait to be married to you, you dork,” Emily whispers as she presses a kiss to Kelley’s lips. “Now let’s fucking go.” Kelley is forcefully pushed out of the car, and Emily is already halfway up the steps to city hall by the time she finishes locking it and putting her keys away. 

Not one to be left behind, Kelley quickly catches up and jumps onto Emily’s back. She lets out a slight “oof” but catches the older woman without a problem, giving her a piggy-back ride as they make their way through the doors. 

It turns out that it’s surprisingly simple to get married. They fork over money for a marriage license and manage to convince an officiant who’s on his way out to stay for just five minutes longer. Emily drags in two strangers to be their witnesses, and it finally starts to sink in that in just a few minutes,  _ they’ll be married. _

Only then does it occur to Kelley that she’s in jeans and Emily is still wearing her robe from graduation. “Do you want to change or anything?” she whispers to Emily as everybody surrounds them. 

“Nope,” Emily says with a grin, popping the “p”. “Okay, let’s roll.” she turns to the officiant and pulls out the rings they stopped to pick out on the way. 

“Friends, we are gathered here today—”

Kelley cuts off the poor officiant before he can even get a sentence out. “Yeah, yeah. Can we just skip straight to the vows?” 

The officiant just clears his throat and shuffles awkwardly before nodding. “I hope you have vows prepared?” 

They both nod, and Emily gestures for Kelley to go first. “Emily, you are the only person who matters to me. Being apart from you felt like I had left part of myself back in Georgia. I love you so much, and I would do pretty much anything for you. I’ve seen the way you laugh when I threaten to beat people up, but don’t underestimate me because I would absolutely punch someone for you. You are just my type of insane, and I can’t wait to see where the rest of our lives take us.” 

Emily is crying by the time Kelley is done, and the brunette can feel her own eyes starting to water. The officiant nods to Emily, and she clears her throat. “Kelley, I never thought I would find someone like you when I walked into that bookstore. We’ve grown so much from just two years ago, and looking back I would do it all again, including following you across the country. I want to grow old with you and yell at kids to get off our lawn. I want to be a soccer mom, but the cool kind, not a Karen. I want to introduce you as my wife, and go on roadtrips to eat Waffle House. I want it all with you, Kelley, because you’re the love of my life.” 

“Okay,” the officiant announces quietly, ignoring the tears trickling down both women’s faces as they exchange rings for the second time that day. “By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you wife and wife.” 

Kelley pulls Emily into a kiss immediately, not letting the crying stop her. “I want to take your last name,” Emily whispers when they pull apart. Kelley just kisses her harder in response, letting the rest of the world melt away around them. 

“I would be honored,” she replies as she rests her forehead against Emily’s. “We’re married!”

“I have a wife!” Emily shouts in response, and they both laugh. Kelley’s cheeks are sore from smiling, but she keeps grinning. She can’t seem to stop, not when she’s around the younger woman and her infectious energy. 

When Kelley wakes up the next morning, she still can’t quite believe her good fortune. There’s one thing she knows for sure, though—

She must be the luckiest woman in the world. 

————

“Shit!” Kelley yells when she stubs her toe on a tree root.

“Sometimes I forget we both have two kids,” Emily sighs from a couple feet away. She and Christen are watching Kelley and Ryan run around with Tobin and eight-year-old Mal, the newest edition to the Press-Heath family. 

“I’m surprised you let her swear around Ryan,” Christen comments with a laugh.

Emily just rolls her eyes affectionately and blows a kiss in Kelley’s direction when she notices their laughter. “Well, anyone who knows my wonderful wife would be able to guess that no swearing was just unrealistic. Kelley shouted ‘Fuck yeah little man!’ the night we picked up Ryan, so I had to give up on that pretty quickly.” Christen just laughs harder at Emily’s expense as she relates the story. 

“Well, at least she was upfront about it. It turns out Tobin started teaching Mal swear words behind my back, and I only found out when the school called us saying, and I quote, ‘Please tell your daughter to stop calling all of her friends bitches’.” Tobin stops running around just long enough to send a sheepish wave in their direction, but quickly resumes whatever game the four are playing when Ryan runs up behind her. 

The two women share an exasperated glance before smiling at their respective partners. “We really did choose two dorks to marry, huh?” Emily asks, still chuckling from Christen’s story.

“Oh, definitely. I don’t know how Tobin survived living alone for so long.” 

“Hey!” Tobin says indignantly, coming up behind Christen and wrapping her in a hug. “I was doing perfectly well, thank you very much.”

“Baby, you almost set our kitchen on fire when you tried to make spaghetti,” Christen points out. Tobin just brushes the grass off her shorts, muttering under her breath about how it wasn't her fault, then plops herself down on Christen’s lap. 

After a minute Kelley comes over to join them, leaving Ryan and Mal resting on the grass. “Hi honey.” She’s still out of breath from running around, but pauses to plant a kiss on Emily’s cheek before mirroring Tobin and settling on her wife’s lap. 

The backyard is quiet as they all sit in contented silence. Kelley manages to curl herself in Emily’s chest, and the blonde strokes her wife’s hair as her breathing slows. “Your anniversary is coming up soon, right?” Christen is the first to break the silence, directing her question at the O’Haras. 

“It’s gonna be eight years,” Kelley says proudly. Emily leans down to quickly kiss her, but when they look up Christen and Tobin are visibly confused. 

“I thought you got married seven years ago,” Tobin replies skeptically. Christen fixes Emily with a suspicious gaze, but the blonde just sends a grin back and shrugs, leaning back into the chair.

“Nah, we had a courthouse wedding and then did the ceremony part on our first anniversary.” Emily laughs at the shock on their friends’ faces after she fills them in. It’s not like she and Kelley had ever hid their actual wedding date, it’s just that everyone at the “wedding” assumed they were getting married for the first time that day (a fair assumption, but one they never tried to correct). 

“You… what?” Christen splutters. “Of all the stupid things you two have done, I swear. Tell me you at least planned it beforehand?”

“Nope,” Kelley laughs, clearly excited at the prospect of flustering Christen even further. “It was completely spontaneous. Em was still wearing her graduation robes!” 

“You were wearing _what_?!” Kelley is cracking up now, hiding from Christen’s wrath in the crook of Emily’s neck. “Did you actually get married _the_ _day Emily graduated from college_?” 

Emily can’t stop her laughter from escaping, but a glare from Christen quickly shuts her up. “If it makes you feel better, Chris, I was the one who proposed after graduation.” 

“Okay, I’m taking my wife inside before she gets an aneurysm,” Tobin announces. She sends a glare in Kelley’s direction, but it’s clear that she’s trying to stop her shoulders from shaking in laughter. Mal gets up off the grass and runs after her moms, while Ryan makes his way over to Kelley and Emily and perches on the chair left empty by Christen. 

“What were you talking about with Auntie Chris and Aunt Toby?” He asks curiously. 

“We were just telling her the story of our wedding, sweetie,” Emily answers softy. “Do you wanna hear it?” she asks, and when his face lights up she takes it as a yes. “Kel, should we tell him the story?”

Ryan nods frantically next to them, and Kelley quickly joins in his nodding. “Okay, sweet boy,” Emily laughs. “Why don’t we move to the grass so we can all be more comfy?” Ryan and Kelley both nod again, and the three of them shift to the grass so that Kelley is sitting against Emily with Ryan in her lap. 

“Do we tell him about our actual wedding or the disaster one?” Kelley whispers into Emily’s ear while they’re moving.

“The disaster one, it’s more fun,” she grins back. When they’re all finally settled and Ryan has stopped fidgeting, she clears her throat and leans back, ready to begin. “Well, it all started on a dark and stormy morning…” 

————

They were barely five minutes into their second-wedding day and it was already falling apart.

Emily lay awake in bed, listening to the rain pouring outside as Kelley stirred next to her. It wasn’t supposed to be raining—the ceremony they planned was entirely outdoors, relying on the sunny weather that Georgia was known for. “What are you thinking about?” half-awake Kelley whispered in a sleepy rasp, propping herself up on an elbow so that she could look down at Emily.

“It’s fucking raining, Kel,” the blonde replied, stress evident in her voice. 

“Shhhh, it’ll all be okay. You worry too much, baby.” the older woman kissed Emily softly, taking her mind off the rain for just a moment. 

And it turned out, for once Kelley was right. 

Halfway through their breakfast at Waffle House, the rain cleared up. Emily let out a sigh of relief when they stepped outside and the sun was shining. She was in good spirits—Waffle House was amazing on its own, but Waffle House with Kelley was heaven on Earth. Kelley, of course, grabbed her chance to point out that she had been right, but Emily just rolled her eyes and silenced her wife with a kiss. 

“Can you believe that in less than 12 hours we’ll be wives for the second time?” Kelley jokes at one point as they drive out to the field the wedding was supposed to be at. 

“I can barely believe we’ve been married for a year,” Emily replies, taking her eyes off the road for just a second to gaze fondly at her wife. “It seems like so long ago that I flew across the country for you.” 

“Never gonna let me forget that, are you?” the brunette chuckles. Despite the teasing, she still can’t keep her hands off of Emily, moving one so that their fingers are intertwined on the gear stick. 

Not long after that they pull up to the remote field the wedding will be held at. Kelley can’t help but laugh at Emily’s visible grimace when she sees the thin layer of mud on the field. “Baby, they’re putting straw over it. We’ll be fine,” she reassures. As if to demonstrate her point, the older woman reaches down for a piece of straw and sticks it in her mouth. The blonde’s shrieks nearly cover up Kelley’s “howdy”, but there’s no mistaking the affection present between the two.

It’s then that Emily’s phone rings, disturbing the tranquility of the field. She picks it up while ushering Kelley to her changing tent, noting that her mom is the one calling. “Hello? Is everything okay?”

“Well, sweetie, I have some bad news.” Emily immediately tenses up when she hears this, internally hoping that nothing happened to her dad. “The cat got sick.”

Suddenly the blonde can’t decide if she wants to breathe a sigh of relief or roll her eyes. “Is that it, mom? You’ll still be able to make it, right?”

“Yes, we can make it, but we might be a little bit late. See, we have to drive the cat, and you know how far away the vet is—”

“Yeah, mom, I grew up in that town, I know how far away the vet is. Call me if anything else happens, but I have to go get dressed now. Love you.” With that Emily hurries off to her own changing tent. She’s not too worried about any possible lateness—after all, she’s re-marrying the one and only Kelley O’Hara, and if there’s anything she knows about her wife it’s that the older woman will almost always find a way to throw events off track. 

_ It’ll be fine _ , she repeats to herself as she unzips the tent.  _ They’ll be right on time and I’ll marry my incredible wife and everything will be fine _ .

That train of thought is interrupted when Emma greets her with an apologetic smile as she steps into the tent. The wrong Sonnett twin is in a wedding dress, and Emily has to physically restrain herself from sighing. “Hi,” Emma says after a stretch of silence. “Um, the dress person came in here and thought I was you, and, well, I didn’t want to make him angry or anything, so I just didn’t correct him.”

At this point Emily is sure that the universe is trying to ruin her wedding (and it’s winning 3-0), but she takes it in stride and tries to remain calm nonetheless. “It’s fine, we’ll just take it off of you and put it on me.”  _ It’s fine. It’s fine _ . Until— “Holy fuck, what happened to your arm?!”

Emma turns around and is greeted by a sizable bloodstain on the back of the dress. “Shit, I don’t know! Shit!” Emily barely makes it to her twin’s side in time to catch her as she faints. She has to haul her sister outside to where cars have just started pulling up, bridesmaids and extremely early guests stepping out. 

Twenty minutes later Emma is in a hospital with a bridesmaid and Emily is being driven to the nearest clothing store, a Value Village, to find a replacement dress. Nobody else fainted, though, and Emily counts that as a sorely-needed win. They pull up to the store and run in, nearly sprinting. If they want to start within two hours of the original time, they need to speed everything up. 

It turns out that a thrift store isn’t necessarily the best place to buy a wedding dress. Emily learns that first-hand when she encounters the small dress rack, which is filled with either tacky or falling apart items (not to mention that nearly all of them are black). But they’re strapped for time, so she ends up in the dressing room with an assortment of terrible outfits that seem like something a five-year-old would put together. 

She’s barely had time to contemplate the miserable clothing situation when her phone rings once again. Except, it’s not her parents, like she was expecting. “Em! I can’t do it!” Kelley’s panicked voice greets her when she answers the call. 

“What do you mean, can’t do it? You mean the wedding? Because you’re gonna be the one entertaining all the guests and explaining that we’re actually already married.” She attempts a joke, but not even a chuckle comes from Kelley’s end, and now she’s worried. 

“Everything! I can’t do any of it! Fuck, I can’t be here anymore,” Kelley’s voice might be higher than the blonde has ever heard it, and it sounds like she might be on the verge of a panic attack. 

Emily immediately goes into calming mode, trying to talk Kelley down from whatever ledge she’s currently on. “What’s going on, baby? Why can’t you be there? Talk to me,” she finishes in the most gentle voice she can manage. 

The older woman’s breathing slows down just a tad, but it’s seemingly enough for her to get an actual sentence out. “My parents,” she whispers. “My parents fucking showed up.” And, well,  _ shit _ . Out of all the things Kelley could be freaking out about, Emily would never have anticipated her parents showing up. “Someone must have sent them an invitation, and they’re here, and I can’t do it. I can’t do it.” 

_ It’s not fine. It’s not fine.  _

Now it’s Emily’s turn to take a calming breath, because  _ this was not supposed to fucking happen _ . Kelley’s parents, the same ones who kicked her out at eighteen years old and refused to talk to her ever again, were not supposed to show up to their (very gay) wedding. “Kelley. Kel. Honey, listen to me. We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, okay? I would never make you do that. If you want to you can sneak out right now and I’ll catch up. Just… what do you want?”

“I… I don’t know,” Kelley mutters, with a hint of desperation in her voice. “I don’t know, this wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t know.” Just when Emily thinks her heart can’t break more than it already has, Kelley finishes her thought. “...What if they reject me again, Em? What if I try to marry you and they tell me I’m going to hell?”

“Kelley Maureen O’Hara, you listen to me. You are never going to hell, okay? I’m so sorry that your parents did that to you, baby, and I absolutely hate it. But you will always have me. You will always have family in Georgia, and it doesn’t matter if you’re related by blood. I can’t tell you what to do. They’re your parents, after all. But say the word and I’ll get you out. I will literally fight them if that’s what you want. I love you so fucking much,” she finishes. Sniffles come over the line, but they’re finally accompanied by a small chuckle. 

“I want to get married again,” Kelley says quietly. 

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“Yeah,” the older woman murmurs. “I don’t want to throw away the whole thing just because my parents showed up. And maybe I can show them I’m not going to hell, you know? Maybe they’ll see how happy I am and forgive me.” 

“Oh, Kel, there’s nothing they could possibly forgive you for. You never did anything wrong. But if you’re sure you want to do it, I’m heading back now.” Emily picks out the first dress that fits, a lacy black one, and bursts out of the room, heading straight towards the registers.

“Okay, I love you so much. I’ll see you soon.” The smallness of Kelley’s voice makes Emily want to wrap her up in a hug, but she focuses instead on checking out so that she can get back and comfort her wife. 

“I love you too, baby. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

They hang up, and Emily sinks down into the car seat as she motions for her friend to start driving. The miles can’t pass quickly enough, especially with all the fidgeting Emily is doing out of nerves. She can’t believe Kelley’s parents showed up. She can’t believe the nerve some people have, and she can’t believe that anyone could ever hurt the woman she’s grown to love with her entire heart. 

As soon as they pull up to the field, Emily shoots out of the car and right back into her tent. She pulls on the dress she bought in what must be record time, trying her best to ignore the fact that she looks like a vampire. Hair and makeup are forgone entirely in favor of rushing to Kelley’s tent, where she finds the other woman suspiciously calm. 

“Hi baby,” the younger woman says quietly, testing the waters. 

“Hiiii,” Kelley slurs back, and the reason for her calmness becomes crystal clear. Kelley and alcohol might be a more iconic duo than even Thelma and Louise or Bonnie and Clyde, after all. “Missed you,” the brunette says loudly as she throws herself at Emily. 

“I’m so sorry,” Christen, one of their bridesmaids, says miserably from where she sits in the corner of the tent. “I didn’t know that her parents were here, and I swear I just left for a minute, but by the time I came back she was already drunk. I’m sorry.” 

The green-eyed woman looks like she might start crying, and Emily can’t handle both a crying Christen and a drunk Kelley. Fortunately, another of their friends walks in right at that moment, so as Ali walks off to try to console Christen, Emily is left with Kelley. 

“Emily, your parents are here. It looks like it might start raining, though, so you probably want to get this show on the road,” Becky announces after popping her head into the tent. The blonde just sighs and pulls Kelley up by her shoulders. At least one of them will be in an actual wedding dress. 

“Let’s get fucking married, baby,” she mutters. With a kiss to Kelley’s forehead, they make their way out of the tent. The parental Sonnetts are here, indeed, and conveniently covered in cat vomit. It doesn’t even phase Emily—at this point she’s accepted that everything will go wrong.

(At least the rain, which starts two seconds after Emily makes her way down the aisle, will help wash out the cat vomit.)

Emily is just grateful that Kelley’s parents haven’t caused a scene. Because finally, they’re both standing on the altar, listening to the officiant, Emily in her vampire dress.  _ Maybe it will be fine _ , Emily dares to think. And then—

Then Kelley falls over.

————

Ryan gasps dramatically as Emily relates the story, a glint in her eye. Kelley just pouts, folding her arms but also pushing herself back into Emily’s warmth. “It wasn’t that bad,” she mutters, and Ryan pats her arm sympathetically. 

“What happened after that?” Ryan asks, clearly eating up the story. 

“Well, honey, we took Mama to the hospital to make sure she was okay, and then she got to hang out with your Aunt Emma for a while,” Emily replies. She plants a kiss on the top of Kelley’s head when she’s done, and even though they’ve just relived what might be the worst wedding in history, Kelley feels absolutely safe here with her son and her wife. 

“And what about Mama’s parents?” 

The brunette can’t stop herself from tensing up a little bit, but Emily strokes her arm until she relaxes again. “Mama’s parents came over when we left the hospital, and they had a long talk. Everyone apologized to each other, and it was okay after that.” Despite the ease of Emily’s reply, Kelley still remembers the screaming, tears, and then, finally, apologies that came when she met with her parents for the first time in almost a decade. They’re still not on the best of terms, but these days, Kelley finds that she couldn’t care less. What Emily said on the day of their second wedding was true—Kelley found a second family in the Sonnetts, in her wife and Bagel, and then, finally, in Ryan.

“And we’ll never reject you for being who you are, ever,” Kelley reassures Ryan. If there’s one thing she knows, it’s that she could never ignore her child for a decade without her heart breaking fully in two. 

“I know, Mama,” Ryan smiles. “You and Mommy will always love me!”

“Always,” Emily repeats.

“Always.” 

_ It couldn’t get better than this,  _ Kelley thinks as she leans back against her wife, their son’s smile lighting up his face.

————

As Kelley takes in the cramped space of their living room, she can’t help but focus on her wife. Emily seems to be glowing, surrounded by their closest four friends and their now-grown kids. Twenty-two-year-old Ryan, who is now taller than Kelley, walks her down their makeshift aisle and beams at his moms. Emily stands in the middle of the room, looking absolutely vibrant, with the Press-Heaths (who brought Mal, of course) next to her. On the other side of her wife are the Krieger-Harrises and Lindsey, who they flew out just for their vow renewal. 

It feels perfect, and right, and beautiful. Kelley’s mind is perpetually blown at the fact that Emily has managed to stay with her for twenty years. 

Christen steps forward between them, nodding to her two best friends. “I believe you guys wanted to read the vows you wrote?” Kelley just bobs her head in reply, throat dry as she steps to meet her wife.

“Emily O’Hara—” Kelley’s voice immediately cracks, and everyone laughs as she mutters “fuck” and tries to stop herself from laughing along with them. “God, okay. Emily, I would marry you a thousand times over. My offer to get divorced is still on the table. We’ve done it all, baby. I can’t think of a single thing that would be better than growing our family, being able to wake up to you every day. So from this point on I vow to appreciate every minute that I get with you. I vow to love you every single day for the rest of our lives, and I vow to grow old with you. I vow to never stop telling stupid jokes, and jumping around like a squirrel. I vow to never stop beating you at video games. I vow to never stop loving you, never leave you, and never ever ever stop bragging to everyone about how gorgeous my wife is. I’m all yours, forever.”

She doesn’t even notice that she’s started crying until Emily gently wipes the tears off her face. It’s a lost cause, but it’s worth it, because Emily’s smile is glowing. After a moment the blonde finally steps back and clears her throat, ready to begin her own vows.

“Kelley, it’s been twenty years. I can’t believe it’s been twenty fucking years. I have gone twenty years and somehow each day I fall a little bit more in love with you. You are the only person who could ever do that. So I vow to keep perpetually falling in love with you. I vow to think about you all the time, and keep missing you when you’re not by my side. I vow to keep getting to know you, every tiny little detail, everything you hide from other people. I vow to cherish you until the day we die. I vow that I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down—” She’s cut off by the laughter that fills the room once again as she starts singing, still grinning at Kelley. 

“But most importantly, I vow that I will always believe in you. I will always be home for you. You will always have a safe space with me, no matter what. I love you, Kelley.” They exchange a new pair of rings, simple silver with the other’s initials engraved on them. Emily pulls her into a bruising kiss. 

In the middle of all the cheering and whooping, Christen announces, “By the power vested in me by the O’Haras, I declare that you are still married!” Everyone laughs once again, and their friends start to mill around the room as the “reception” starts. Mal and Ryan find their way to each other, inevitably complaining about college, while Emily makes her way over to Lindsey. Christen ends up talking to Ali and Ashlyn, which leaves Kelley to talk to Tobin. 

“That was sweet,” Tobin comments with a shit-eating grin. 

“Shut up,” Kelley replies, but it’s very half-hearted as she stares at her wife across the room. 

“I’m happy for you guys, though, seriously.”

“Yeah,” Kelley murmurs, “I’m happy for us too.”

Twenty years, three weddings, a kid, an unnecessary amount of dogs, and incredible friends. The universe is strange, Kelley thinks, but as long as it brought her here, and now, she will never be able to complain. She can’t believe this all started because she was lonely in a bookstore—

But now, she knows that she’ll never be lonely again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again. i am so sorry lol. this might be shit, i sure hope it's not. feedback would be immensely appreciated. thoughts/feelings/want to yell at me for disappearing?? stick it in the comments! :)


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